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As I mentioned in a previous entry not too long ago, I have been doing some evaluation and pondering lately. I mentioned in that entry that I realized I had approached fiction writing all wrong and that I will be taking some time to start over again.
While it is true that I aimed to do that, I came to a different conclusion.

Honestly, it is going to be a while before I start writing a story again. I’m not giving up! Not at all! But I am being honest with myself and realizing that writing a novel now is not my priority.

Since realizing that I approached fiction writing all wrong, I have also realized that I still dearly want to pursue journalism. I have been wrestling between fiction and journalism for some time now, and wondering which one I should really focus on. The truth is, I get really energized when I inform others and I thoroughly enjoy watching history unfold, brutal as history can be. Journalism is like a form of community service for me, and I really want to go at it again.

That doesn’t mean fiction doesn’t fire me up either. It simply energizes me much differently. It’s as though journalism is presenting and analyzing the facts, while fiction is presenting and analyzing the possibilities. Journalism is more concrete while creative writing is more abstract and without borders. It is also more emotional and ponderous about the human spirit, while journalism gets down to business. That is how I differentiate between the two.

I’m glad I came to this because I’ve been kind of getting headaches over which form of storytelling fulfills me most. Both do, but for different reasons. And also, at different points in my life. Right now, honestly, I am not ready nor willing to really come up with a novel. Not only am I changing my approach, but I re-evaluating what kinds of fiction stories I’d like to write. I’m wondering what kind of characters I hope to build, what kinds of issues and questions I’d like to explore, and overall, what I really want to say as a fiction writer. I haven’t found my voice yet, but I know full well that I will someday find that voice.

I may end up writing another urban fantasy/paranormal story. I know I’ll definitely write historical fiction books because I am such a history fanatic. I may look into creating an online program (webisodes) if I feel that it is vital that I have something to say through that medium. There’s a lot of things I want to say about, but the thing here is, which one I can really invest my time and energy on? We authors know that writing a book or play or anything is not a walk in the park. Maybe someday I wouldn’t be so serious like this, but for now, I am.

Does this mean I’ll never write the sequel to The Dark Proposal? In truth, maybe. I may find a good reason to complete Claire McCormick’s story. I would like to, really, because some readers did enjoy the story and want to know what happens next. That makes me feel guilty that I cannot give them what they want. I know I’m not like George RR Martin with his A Song of Ice and Fire series, but still. I believe you should finish what you start, so realizing that I couldn’t write the sequel was really a tough conclusion.

With that, I want to say to my readers: I am very sorry that I may or may not write the sequel to The Dark Proposal. I know some of you wanted to know what happens next, and I wish I could do that, but sadly I can’t now. But I hope someday I can give something equally enjoyable.

Not that my decision isn’t unusual. Anne Rice will most likely not complete her Christ the Lord trilogy, and I’m sure other authors have made similar decisions. I just have to be honest with myself and others.

That doesn’t mean I’ll unpublish my book and shut down my authorship. No. Even though I was a completely different person two years ago (gosh, would I recognize who I was then?), I am still proud of the fact that I wrote, completed and published a book. Many people wish to write a novel, but few actually start, and even fewer actually finish, let alone seek to publish it. I had the guts to do all that, so go me! I may have a different attitude toward writing and being an author now, but whenever I see my book cover or anything, I smile. It was all worth it. 🙂

I will keep this blog going too. I may blog once a week, but I will stay around. I’ll definitely blog about TV shows, movies and books I’m reading. I’ll also discuss philosophical things, like good vs. evil, where the world is going, and why people do what they do. Those topics will fuel whatever novel I end up writing next.

And when will that be? It may two months from now, six months, a year, I don’t know. What I do know is that creativity cannot be forced and writing is a delicate process. Characters are their own people, and the events that happen to them unfold on their own. I can’t be that controlling. So whatever eventually flows from me, I’m sure I’ll have fun with it.

In the meantime, I’ll be getting back into writing poetry. I did that in my early 20s, and even did some open mike sessions. I’d like to get into that again, and I know it will help me with my character development skills. I’ll soon dabble into writing stories again. No rush, just sit back, relax and have fun.

The world is not going anywhere, and neither am I. I’m just changing course. 🙂