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Megan Cashman

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Megan Cashman

Category Archives: My Books

Vampires Today: Smartphones

03 Tuesday Apr 2018

Posted by Megan in Between Light and Dark, My Books, Vampires

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books, digital technology, eBooks, evil vampires, filming, indie authors, Indie books, inspiration, Internet, self-published authors, self-published books, smartphones, technology, traditional vampires, vampire fiction, vampire trilogy, vampires

One of the inspirations behind the trilogy that I’m working on, The End of Eternity, was this question: how would vampires exist in secret with smartphones being in nearly everyone’s hands? It is hard for anything to be secret these days since someone could easily film anything shocking, funny or controversial by whipping out their smartphones (be it an iPhone, Android…) and start filming.

B&W smartphone

Image by Waldemar Merger via Flickr via Creative Commons

So let’s say you are someone who is aware that vampires might be real. You think so because you work in a city morgue, you are a crime scene investigator, or you’ve had personal experience with someone dying under mysterious circumstances, or you’ve seen enough evidence online to convince you. So you start to look for vampires, trying to find proof that they exist so you can share it with the world, thus exposing these hidden creatures of the night.

You are suspicious of some people because other hunters have pointed them out as possible vampires on social media sites or blogs or vampire hunter forums. You’ve seen their photos and now you see them in real life. They do look unusually pale, like they are very ill. So you follow them and see where they are headed. You are very careful not to be noticed, since you’ve heard the legends that these creatures have very strong senses.

And then it happens. Your possible vampire has found its prey. It has attacked the victim on a quiet, dark street with no one around (and assuming, no surveillance video cameras…more about that later) – except you. As the vampire stabs its fangs into the victim’s neck, you creep closer and start filming. There you go – all the proof in the world that vampires do exist and are killing people to feed on for their nourishment.

Sounds logical to some degree. Hopefully you get away in time or else the vampire would get you!

I think such a scenario is possible, and it makes me wonder how would vampires maintain their secrecy during these times of great technological advances? They could try to “come out” of the coffin as they did on True Blood, but that won’t be as easy as the TV series or the Sookie Stackhouse books portrayed it, in my opinion.

That was a question I had as I started this series, and it comes to light, so to speak, more so as I write the second book “Between Light and Dark”. Technology is working against vampires, so how would they cope? Their once great powers – heightened senses, mind reading and clearing, moving at super-fast speed, etc. – are now up against human technology which just keeps evolving. For the first time, it seems, humans are no longer at vampires’ mercy. Now it seems, the vampires and the humans are on equal level.

I would think the older the vampire is – as in, centuries or even millennia old – the more they struggle to cope. They had spent so many years confident in their powers that it is hard to believe that their prey is starting to outdo them. They might even be a bit clueless about the latest technology since they live separately from humans. They might even be in denial.

So, I explore this issue in “Between Light and Dark” as Claire copes with her new existence as a vampire. The title says it all – will Claire side with the vampires trying to cope with modern technology, or will she side with the human world she so longs for?

These blog entries would be like a series. I’ll be writing up about modern technology and how it inspired me to write about vampires. What kind of world would it be for them? Would they survive? How would they cope?

You’ll see…

“The Dark Proposal” – on tour at Bewitching Book Tours

15 Monday Jan 2018

Posted by Megan in My Books, The Dark Proposal

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authors, blog tour, Book tours, books, paranormal, paranormal books, PNR, urban fantasy, vampire books, vampire fiction, vampire novels, vampires

Hey everyone!

This week, “The Dark Proposal” is out on tour at Bewitching Book Tours! This is an opportunity to get the word out about my book, as well as stir up excitement for “Between Light and Dark”.

Special thanks to Roxanne Rhoads for arranging this tour 🙂

Here’s a look at the schedule. Please stop by to show your support!

January 15 JB’s Bookworms with Brandy Mulder (Interview)
https://jbbookworms.blogspot.com/
January 15 Fang-tastic Books (Interview)
http://fang-tasticbooks.blogspot.com
January 16 I Smell Sheep (Guest Blog)
http://www.ismellsheep.com/
January 16 Paranormalists
https://paranormalists.blogspot.com/
January 17 Roxanne’s Realm (Guest Blog)
http://www.roxannerhoads.com/
January 17 Share My Destiny
http://sharemydestiny.blogspot.com
 
January 18 Urban Fantasy Investigations (Guest Blog)
https://urbanfantasyinvestigations.blogspot.com
January 18 Lisa’s Loves Books of Course
http://lisaslovesbooksofcourse.blogspot.com/
January 18 Supernatural Central (Interview)
http://supernaturalcentral.blogspot.com
January 19 SImply Kelina
http://simplykelina.blogspot.com/
January 19 Lisa’s World of Books
http://www.lisasworldofbooks.net/
January 22 Lisa-Queen of Random
http://www.Lisas2900.blogspot.com
January 22 Rabid Readers Book Blog
https://www.facebook.com/RabidReadersBookBlog

The Theme Song to The Dark Proposal’s Sequel

05 Tuesday Dec 2017

Posted by Megan in My Books

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authors, BlutEngel, book sequels, books, eBooks, goth, goth music, Gothic, indie authors, Indie books, songs, theme songs, vampire books, vampires, videos

I love creating playlists to all my story ideas; my iPod is full of such playlists. In the past, I have discussed what songs would play if “The Dark Proposal” had a soundtrack, and the song that inspired its sequel.

By the way, the title of the long-awaited sequel is “Between Light and Dark” 🙂

Anyway, I recently got into the music of BlutEngel – a German goth band that sings a lot about vampires, darkness and other goth topics. One of their most recent songs, “Welcome to Your New Life”, really seems to capture what Claire faces in “Between Light and Dark” as she is now a vampire, and is struggling to adjust as one.

Now, there doesn’t seem to be an official music video of the song, but I did find this on Daily Motion. I really like this song, especially as the music intensely builds and builds, and the singers tell about the new life – one that Claire now has.

Enjoy!

Being a Vampire Would Probably Suck

28 Tuesday Nov 2017

Posted by Megan in My Books, The Dark Proposal, Vampires

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

death, hedonism, immortal, immortality, life, meaning of life, philosophy, vampire books, vampire fiction, vampire novels, vampire trilogy, vampires

Before I begin, I want to give a huge thank you to The Indie Book Butler for featuring The Dark Proposal on its website and social media, as well as interviewing me for its site. Thanks Paul!!!

OK, here goes…

Vampires seem to be the envy of many humans. They get to be immortal, have superpowers, be beautiful and sexy, and have access to endless wealth and glamour. Being a vampire sounds fun, although it some cases you miss out on the sunlight.

But what if being a vampire is not what it is cracked up to be?

A couple of years ago, I came across an article on how death makes life more meaningful. Without it, life is pointless. In other words, immortality brings on aimlessness, boredom and humility. After all, if you were to live forever, what would you live for? Most people hope to achieve certain things before they die, and spend their lives working on their legacy. If you were always going to be around, then what’s the point of leaving behind a legacy? Instead of being concerning about how you’d be remembered, probably all that will concern you would be your reputation. And that will depend on the politics and social norms of the vampire world.

Photo by
Rikard Elofsson
via Flickr

I found this PDF from the Journal of Philosophy of Life, which most likely discusses the article I found two years ago. In it, the belief that death gives meaning to life are discussed. Although it is pointed out that many people spend their lives running away from death and live like they’ll always be around, the idea that death haunts us into making our lives purposeful is seriously pondered. Such suggestions as death being a motivator for us to do something with our lives, or to do good towards others, or to be less bored with living in itself, are talked about here. Give it a read, I highly recommend it.

Anyway, finding and reading that article two years ago motivated me to work on the sequel to The Dark Proposal. Because it got me thinking on what would it be like if you were immortal. I had always thought if I were to be immortal, I would have endless fun and live a hedonistic, laidback life. I would have nothing to fear because death will never come to me.

Now, I portray my vampires living that way. They’re very hedonistic and don’t have much goals except for defending their kind, becoming as rich as possible, drinking blood every night, having sex in so many styles, and so on. Yes, some have jobs or live artsy lives, but that is seemingly to pass the time, to blend in with humans, and to make money legitimately. But they have no goals to work their way up the workplace ladder or anything. If any of my vampires had such goals, it would be to work their way up the hierarchy to become Defenders of the Blood (more about that another time).

But that’s about it, though. When it comes to love and relationships, there is no “till death do us part” because death just isn’t thought of for vampires, even though it is a possibility. Therefore, there probably wouldn’t be a lot of relationship goals, so to speak, since these beings have eternity. There is also no children to bear and raise, so nix that idea. And since there’s no pregnancy or threats of STIs, then there’s hedonistic sex galore in this world!

With that in mind, it sounds like a vampire would be coasting along in life, doing a few things here and there just to pass the time and to secure the existence of vampires. Their world is completely separate from humans, and they don’t think much of the humans they are feeding on. Humans are the source of consumption; no need to get involved in their world unless it benefits the vampire’s.

So, with all this mind, what would be the meaning of life for a vampire? What would be the point? Endless fun may get boring after a while, especially with nothing being taboo. Defending the existence of vampires may prove worthy, but then comes the question of what is the point of being a vampire? The way I wrote my vampires, it is to escape death and be godlike. Basically, vampires live in fear of death and being weak. That is what motivated the Five Brothers to bring forth vampirism, though they didn’t realize what they were getting themselves into; they just thought they were going to be blessed by their ancient tribal gods to be just like them. Instead, they were cursed with not being in the daylight for many centuries, and to spend eternity warding, and fighting, off humans. All for what?

Furthermore, it also must be lonely to be a vampire. Being surrounded by the same group of people for centuries must get irritating, though I could also imagine, it would be heartwarming since you’d have a long history with all these beings. As Daniel told Claire, they are a tribe.

So, living in harmony, side by side, for centuries, living in complete hedonism and on guard to defend their kind. And once it is safe to venture into the sunlight more and more, a vampire would discover humans are evolving in a way to fight them off more and more. Technology and knowledge keeps developing, and soon, a vampire finds they are unable to fight off humans, and the true death awaits.

That’s basically the crux of my vampire trilogy. I cannot imagine life being a charm for a vampire. It could be on the surface, and on a shallow scale. But deep down, at its core, a vampire’s life has little meaning.

In that way, the vampire is cursed. Cursed to live a life without life.

 

Scenes of Brutality: What Are We Thinking?

26 Tuesday Sep 2017

Posted by Megan in My Books, On Writing, Storytelling Musings, The Dark Proposal

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

art of writing, brutality, craft of writing, creative writing, Game of Thrones, graphic content, graphic scenes, Outlander, sadism, sadistic, writing a book, writing a story, writing fiction

Before I get started, I know I mentioned that I would be writing my weekly posts on Mondays. However, it looks like Tuesdays work better for my schedule. So for now on, expect posts from me on Tuesdays.

Photo via Wikimedia Commons

So, I am currently watching the Starz series Outlander on Amazon. For those who do not know, it is about a 1940s Englishwoman, Claire Beauchamp, who is transported back two hundreds in 18th century Scotland. Since this is the 1740s, there’s a lot of brutality going on, especially with a captain of the English army in Scotland, “Black Jack” Randall, who tortures the Scottish people left and right. There’s even a scene where Claire’s husband, Jamie Fraser, is tortured and then raped by Randall.

Now, I didn’t read the books that this series is based on, but I understand that the show is closely based on the books written by Diana Gabaldon. If so, it makes me wonder why she would put in a scene where a man graphically rapes another man. Yes, there are a lot of male-on-female rapes, floggings and beatings in Outlander, but it is easy to brush them off as that was the time period back then. But that scene has been haunting me. I guess it is because I’m one of those who has grown attached to Claire and Jamie, and couldn’t tolerate Jamie being tortured that way. Yes, Claire was raped or almost raped herself, but the show didn’t graphically display that as much as Jamie.

It also haunts me because last week, I was working on my WIP, which picks up where Claire McCormick and Daniel Poncher are in the trilogy. I was writing feverishly and in a stream-of-consciousness way. As a result, I ended up writing a part where Daniel graphically rapes Claire. Yeah, I did that. I went there.

Now, there are other scenes when Daniel does that, but it is not as brutal and more of a coerced sex way. But when I wrote that part, I was so bothered and disturbed that I had done that, and I ended up deleting it. Watching that scene on Outlander helped me do so.

Which has me thinking about why we writers write such graphic scenes, and just what the hell are we thinking? When I wrote that scene in my WIP, I was rattled and wondered if I have a sadistic side of me somewhere deep in my sub-conscious. I have to admit part of me felt truly satisfied with that scene, and was disappointed when I deleted it. I am now considering adding it back in.

Is there something wrong with me? Do I love torturing my characters? Am I sadistic somehow?

Heck, it makes you wonder if someone like George R. R. Martin, the author of the books that would inspire the HBO series, Game of Thrones, is sadistic. I mean, all of his characters go through hell, and some get brutally raped or brutally murdered. It is enough to leave readers and viewers shaken.

So, what are we writers thinking? Are we cruel? Or just going along with the muses in our heads?

I think the bottom line is whether these brutal scenes are worth it for the entire story. If it does not add something to the whole story, however violent it is, then it is pointless – and even sadistic. Perhaps what should be more disturbing is how violent human nature is, and we writers are just representing and expressing that in our work. If human nature were not so cruel and barbaric itself, then maybe we would not write such things.

But what of the satisfaction that comes with writing those parts? I think the reason why part of me was satisfied with the now-deleted scene where Daniel rapes Claire is because it flowed so well, from one action to another and another. The part before Daniel attacks Claire had me excited because there was so much emotion and action going on. But once I wrote the rape part, I was like, ‘what have I done?”

Is it worth having in the story? I don’t know yet, I’m still debating. But one thing I’ve been learning while watching Outlander, and even other shows, is that writers aren’t really sadists. Human nature is, and so are our muses. We’re just writing what works for the story and the characters, and what is streaming out of our consciousness.

But it is also vital for us to wonder whether all the violence is gratuitous and even worth portraying at all.

 

The Song That Inspired the Sequel to “The Dark Proposal”

12 Tuesday Sep 2017

Posted by Megan in My Books, The Dark Proposal

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authors, books, Evanescence, inspirations, muse, sequels, songs, vampire books, vampire fiction, vampires, writing, writing inspirations

This week will be five years since I self-published “The Dark Proposal”. It was the first book I’ve ever written, and I felt a great sense of accomplishment and excited as I sent my baby out into the real world.

Five years since, I have grown so much as a writer and person. It’s hard to recognize myself during that time, honestly. That is why it has taken so long to write the sequel to “The Dark Proposal”.

But I’m not going to ramble on why and how the sequel has been delayed. I’ve done that enough times on this blog.

So, I’m here to present one of the inspirations behind the sequel. A few years ago, I was contemplating whether or not I wanted to write the sequel. And then I heard the song, “Lost in Paradise” by Evanescence, and it blew me away. For a while, I could see Claire saying the words to the song to her friends, Samantha and Monica. Or I could see Hilde telling Claire those words. Or any of the vampires. After all, my vampire trilogy is about the vampire world being in trouble with modern technology and surveillance threatening their existence. And also, there is a wonder among the vampires if their own existence is worth it. After all, what are they truly living for?

But that’s for a later blog post. For now, enjoy this beautiful song, “Lost in Paradise” by Evanescence:

You’re All Going to Think I’m Crazy…

04 Saturday Mar 2017

Posted by Megan in My Books, The Dark Proposal

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

authors, Being an Author, books, eBooks, indie authors, Indie books, Kindle, novels, On Writing, sequel, vampire books, vampire fiction, vampire novels, vampire trilogy, vampires, writing

Seriously, you are.

And I’m pretty sure you know what I am talking about.

It had been on my mind for a little while, and took a good butt kicking to get the drive going again. But I am glad that engine is roaring once more, and I doubt I am going to look back.

I am once again working on the sequel to The Dark Proposal.

Yeah. I’m certain some of you are rolling your eyes now.

After stopping, restarting and stopping again, I am giving it another go. And this time I am going to go all the way with it.

The last time I stopped was, as I explained, mainly for financial reasons. As much as I wanted to keep working on the sequel, I was concerned about how expensive it is to self-publish. But after doing a little research, I found it is not that unusual for writers to do crowd-source funding for their work. And that is what I plan to do. By the time I am done with the first draft of this book, I will start a campaign to raise money to get my book edited, get the cover made, and a few other promotional things to get the word out about it. But that won’t be until the fall, perhaps.

Some of you might be thinking that I am struggling with the main character, Claire McCormick, because I portrayed her as insecure, naive and kind of foolish, which is not easy to follow-up to in the sequel. While my intention was never to make her a strong, kick-ass female, I am finding ways to develop her strengths as well as have her face her weaknesses. Claire’s story is about personal responsibility, which ties in with the vampires’ story.

Some of you may also be wondering about my other WIP, “The Cats”. That I am setting aside until I complete my vampire trilogy. I may work on it from time to time, but my priority is my vampire stories, so once I complete them, then I’ll continue on with “The Cats”.

Yeah, being an author can be a mindboggling thing. You have to weigh-in writing what you want versus what makes since business-wise. After all, writing books is a business, whether you self-publish or go the traditional route. Money talks, and you have consider how you’re going to spend your money, or obtain the funds, to get your work out to the world. But sometimes passion talks to, and if it’s in your gut to write something, or finish something, than there are times when you have to give in. Besides, going with your gut works all the time.

So, without any further ado – onward with the sequel to The Dark Proposal.

BTW, I’ve already given it a working title: “A Light in the Darkness”.

The Cat That Inspired My WIP

15 Sunday Jan 2017

Posted by Megan in My Books, The Cats

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abuse, bad luck, black cats, books, bullying, cats, good luck, kittens, kitties, magic, novels, shapeshifting, work in progress, writers, writing

As mentioned in my previous post, I am working on a book about a teen girl who is horrendously bullied at school because of her lack of confidence and timidity. Things start to change when black cats start to turn up in her life almost everywhere she looks.

Where did I get the idea of black cats hanging out on someone’s porch or crossing their path on the way home from school?

I initially came up with the idea nearly 20 years ago, when I was 15 and living in a small town outside of Albany, New York. I was living in that place for a couple of years, and towards the end of my time there, there was this black cat that used to hang around in our backyard.

I remember when I first saw it. I was sitting in the den, watching TV one evening, when something caught my eye. I turned to look at the sliding glass doors that led to the backyard, and saw this beautiful, plump black cat sitting at the door, peering into the house.

At first I was surprised, because who expects to find a cat being all nosy by looking into someone’s house? But I softened up when I saw how the cat looked curious about what was going on in our house. Seriously, it looked genuinely interested in the happenings inside! It also had these big greenish-yellow eyes that looked so gentle. It seemed like a very friendly cat.

Image via Flickr. Click for original photo.

Image via Flickr. Click for original photo.

I didn’t open the door to pet the cat because I didn’t want to scare it away, nor have it think it was allowed inside our house. Besides, the cat seemed quite at peace watching me watching TV.

Over the next few weeks, the cat came back a couple more times. It was a house cat with a collar. So clearly, its owner was allowing it to wander the area, and be true to a cat’s hunting ways.

About a month later, my parents and I moved back to Staten Island, and I obviously never saw that cat again. But I never forgot it. I actually was inspired to write a piece about a girl who lived in the foster care system who was rescued by the magical cats – who actually shapeshifted into gorgeous boys, lol!

I thought about writing such a story as a full length novel, but I figured one about a teen girl abused and passed from one foster home to another was a little too depressing. In addition, my first book is about relationship violence and I don’t want it to seem like abuse is the theme for all my books (although bullying is a form of abuse, but that’s a different topic).

So I chose instead to write about bullying because it is definitely an issue that needs to be addressed. And black cats are the perfect star for this book, tentatively called, “The Cats”. After all, black cats had been tormented for centuries for being associated with witchcraft and bad luck. Even today, black cats are less likely to be adopted compared to other cats, and supposedly, they are still tormented for satanic rituals these days.

But black cats are also associated with good luck. In the U.K., if a black cat crosses your path, it gives you good luck. Sailors used such cats for a good voyage. Even the Japanese see these beautiful cats as carriers of good luck.

It seems like black cats are a good symbol of things not being so bad as they seem. Which gives good prelude to what “The Cats” will be about!

 

Happy 2017! My Latest Updates

01 Sunday Jan 2017

Posted by Megan in Miscellaneous, My Books, The Cats

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

am writing, authors, black cats, books, bullies, bullying, cats, Happy 2017, Happy New Year, social issues, writers, writing, YA books

Happy New Year everyone!

I know,  it’s been a long time since I’ve blogged. I hope to keep up with blogging, but life calls sometimes. Being an adjunct professor, tutor and freelance reporter/writer does take up a lot of time. I know, lame excuses, but I honestly have been overwhelmed this past month.

Even so, I have been able to do some writing. I was able to finish the first draft of my first chapter to my new WIP. I am now moving on to the second chapter. I cannot predict when I will finish this WIP, but the main thing is not to rush anything. Rush writing a book, and you get a lousy book. I’m sure we’ve all read books where the author wrote something too quickly, only to produce a not-so-great book.

Anyway, I am just glad I completed the first chapter and now moving deeper into the book.

Oh, did I tell you what my WIP is?

Image via Pixabay

Image via Pixabay

I did briefly touch on it in my last blog post. It is about a high school girl who is mercilessly bullied by her peers. She has no friends and her family is unsupportive. But things changed when she starts to notice black cats turning up on her way home from school, or sitting on her back patio.

I don’t want to give too much away, but the working title of this book is, “The Cats”. Maybe it will change, maybe it won’t. Right now, my focus is on writing the story.

The story will explore bullying and social structures. In other words, what makes a someone a target for bullying? Why do some get bullied and others don’t? Why do mean people – in this case, mean teens – get to be popular, while the nicer kids are scorned? I’m sure it is a question everyone wonders, and I hope to successfully explore that.

And don’t worry, the main character of this story has a happy ending 🙂

I’ll continue to blog twice a month: every 1st and 15th of the month. I’ll update on my writing progress, discuss bullying and black cats. I’ll talk about the inspiration behind “The Cats”, and why specifically chose black cats to be the stars of my book.

I’ll also talk about writing in general, publishing, TV shows, books I’ll be reading. And now and then, I’ll write about my old baby, “The Dark Proposal”. I have some plans about this book, which I hope to tell you all either later this month, or early in February.

Either way, I am still here and I’m here to stay!

Pause, Reflect, Rewind…and Start Again

01 Tuesday Nov 2016

Posted by Megan in My Books, The Dark Proposal

≈ 2 Comments

I know its been a while since I posted here. I still intend to post twice a month for the time being. But I also intend to do something different with my authorship.

In September, when I posted my two posts on the sequel to The Dark Proposal, I felt the surge of doubt rise once again. During this whole year of writing the sequel to my vampire novel, I had a wild ride and enjoyed very much creating the vampire world, and delving into the characters that made up that world. I also was anxious over what would become of Claire as she found herself trapped in a world she never wanted to be in.

But at the same time, I had doubts. Not over the story and the direction it was going toward. But doubts over the book’s future. In other words, self-publishing. I had self-published The Dark Proposal when I released it four years ago. That means I used my own money to pay for an editor to make sure everything was grammatically OK, and all-right story-wise. I also used my own money to pay for a graphic designer to create that beautiful cover, as well as money to pay blog tours and advertisers to get the word out about my book. It was all out of my pocket. That’s what self-publishing is about.

But that was four years ago. This time around, I was asking myself if I really wanted to self-publish again.

Honestly, there’s no other way to get the sequel out. I had tried to get The Dark Proposal picked up by small publishers, but since it was not a big hit, it was not picked up. It doesn’t make much sense to self-publish one part of a series, and then use a small publishing house to release the others. It also simply does not work that way.

Realizing the daunting task of having to spend money to get my book out, I began to ask myself what I really wanted this time around. That’s when small epiphanies came forward.

And here they are:

SELF-PUBLISHING ISN’T THE BEST OPTION:
When I self-published four years ago, I was not as fiscally wise as I am now. Looking back, I can’t help but think I could’ve used that money for other things. Sure, it takes money to make money, and I was really gung-ho for releasing my first book. But now that I am older and have been on my own in the expensive city of New York for over three years, I see that money is not something to be fickle about. Even if you are investing it to start a business (because that is what self-publishing is: a business), you really have to ask yourself if it is worth it, no pun intended. Money needs to be spent as wisely as possible.

In case you are wondering, I invested nearly $1000 into The Dark Proposal – from the editing to the promotions. The editing was the most expensive part because you get what you pay for, and most editors wouldn’t work for peanuts. Imagine what else I could’ve done with that $1000? It could’ve gone to savings or retirement or a memorable vacation. The cost of living is high, especially in NYC. So  money cannot be thrown around like it will always be there.

But, at the time, I was gung-ho about The Dark Proposal. I loved it and wanted the whole world to see it. I still love it, and I am still proud of how I write a book and got it out to the world. And it will always be out for the world to read because I am never unpublishing it. It will always be there.

That being said…

I NO LONGER HAVE THE WILLPOWER TO WRITE MORE:
Again, don’t get me wrong. I love my characters and I still want to find out what happens to them. I want to explore their worlds more, their histories and their futures. Even though they are fictional, they are in a special place in my heart. Literally!

But I was a much different person when I wrote my book nearly five years ago. Back then, I was reeling from a series of bad relationships, and wanted to get the notion of abusive relationships out of my system. Writing The Dark Proposal was like a cathartic experience for me.

But now, the notion of abusive relationships are no longer in my system. I’ve had better dates and relationships since, and I’ve grown healthier and wiser. My self-esteem is much better. And I got my fears and rage out of my system when I completed The Dark Proposal. Now, four years later, I am not that same person and abuse is not something I want nor can explore anymore. I’ve healed. And that’s a good thing.

SO NOW WHAT DO I DO? NOW WHAT DO I WANT?
So I am fiscally unable to self-publish, and I no longer have the drive to write about abusive relationships. Now what do I do?

As much as I hate to give up on my sequel (again), it is best. It kinda sucks because I do adore my characters. But that is not to say I will never ever write The Dark Proposal’s sequel. Maybe someday when I have a few bucks to spare (like, when I’m a millionaire or so), I will self-publish the sequel. I’ll still work on it, but more out of love for my characters rather than a desperate need to get the sequel out. And I still want to find out what happens to Claire. She has a lot of potential for growth and being an amazing young woman. It will just take a long time for readers to find out.

Anyway, so what do I do now? Well, I have other story ideas that I am now taking notes on, scribbling scenes on, and even working on. I plan to publish my next book traditionally, either by a major publisher or a smaller one.

Which leads to my next ponder…

Should I use my real name for my next book?

Megan Cashman isn’t really my name. Cashman is another form of my mother’s maiden name. Megan is my first name, though. I originally chose to use a pseudonym in order to keep my fiction writing separate from my journalism (I used to work for a major newspaper, and now I freelance while also being an adjunct professor and tutor). After all, would I be taken seriously as a journalist if I wrote a book on vampires?

But now I am considering using my real name for all my future books, including the paranormal ones. I used to think I would use my pen name for the paranormal books, but use my birth name for the more historical and modern settings. However, I no longer care. I want my name on all my books. Because I have something to say, and if it comes in the form of a book on witches, dystopic societies or whatever, then so be it. There are plenty of journalists who write fiction. Among my favorite authors is Sarah Dunant. She goes back and forth between working for the BBC to writing historical fiction on the Italian Renaissance. As far as I know, she had not changed her name at all.

I get that branding is an important issue to consider. But as of now, I am leaning towards using my real name for my future books. I can’t predict what will come first: being a known journalist or a known author. Who knows? We can’t control or predict the future. Either way, one would benefit the other. And I think the two will go hand in hand, believe it or not.

So that is me going forward…

I will not stop with The Dark Proposal. I will continue to talk about it, though eventually, I will start chatting about my latest work (more about that later). I have plans to make it into an audiobook, and even revamp its book trailers.

But slowly and surely, I will start to talk about my upcoming work and what my plans would be as an author of fictional work. And I’ll start right here…

I have just begun work on what could be a YA novel. It is about a teenage girl who is mercilessly teased and bullied by just about everyone in high school. Things aren’t looking up, until she notices some black cats as she walks home…

More about that, as we go on 🙂

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The Dark Proposal by Megan Cashman

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